Brain Drops

Today was just one of those days. Early on in my shift a received a little rotund lady who's daughter said she had been passing out at home so she was put in for monitoring to see if her heartbeat might be irregular, stopping, or just plain too fast. This is how the conversation goes : ME: How tall are you? ROTUND LADY: 4'10" Me : How much do you weigh? RL: 260 lbs. RL: Nurse, could you lift me up to the top of the bed? Me: *under my breath* If you just had handles, or an indentation-Yes. I asked the student nurse to give me a hand. I must mention that on top of the round belly, this lady had a colostomy bag-not well attached. upon lifting, it became detached. Out rolled one can of peas unchewed. The student had never seen a colostomy before and barely even a patient , quickly moved her feet out of the way, I heard "squish, squish" and looked at the disbelief on her face as she stepped on the undigested peas. This same lady who was eating her way to 260 lbs , from the moment her butt hit the bed, could not lift a water glass to get a drink, get out of bed to use the bathroom, clean her own colostomy but when the supper tray came, she bounced from the bed and ate a man size portion. Priorities, Priorities!!